Mother in Law Hell

To all of you ladies (or gentlemen) out there offended by the title…eh…deal with it, I suppose. This is the name of my absolute favorite site on the entire web. Well, it used to be. Now, it is the DIL Society but only because the site’s creators revamped everything.

Many of you may not know this, but my MIL (Mother In Law) and I do not speak. I will not discuss that unfortunate fact on my blog here. No, I am simply telling you this to tell you how I stumbled upon the site above. In fact, it was my husband who first encountered the site and passed it on to me. This was wonderful of him!

On here you will meet a wide range of people–mostly ladies, though some men. They are on said site because they are living in what they consider to be “Mother-In-Law Hell.” Supported by a community of sisters, this site allows us to vent, cry, and seek advice from those precious few others who understand and support us. It is hard, when you are in the middle of a problem or issue with your MIL, or FIL (Father In Law), especially if this happens to be an overarching problem, to find someone who CAN understand what you’re talking about and to help you feel better and that you are not alone.

Often times, DILs (Daughter In Law) cannot articulate what is happening to them if they have a MIL who manipulates, lies, controls, undermines, etc. Many people don’t believe them because, unfortunately, if you have a MIL who acts in this manner, she has already convinced everyone in her family and many outside her family that you are evil, the problem, crazy, etc. They will lie to family members (either outright or subtly) and can, literally, plan your demise because other family members a)don’t want to “rock the boat,” b)have a history with this person that they believes “proves” how “wonderful” that person is (this one happened to me personally), and/or c)are flat-out too lazy or too stupid to do anything about it. (This was the case in my own scenario–only 2 or 3 people believed my then-fiance and I about what was truly happening to me.)

Why would anybody need this? Well, not all people are blessed with amazing, supportive, sane parents. Therefore, it stands to reason, that not all people will be blessed with amazing, supportive, sane in-laws. As a member on this site, I often find that these women are, literally, blindsided by their MIL who acted wonderful at first, and then became a monster at a later point. Often times, women will ask advice regarding just what they should do with a MIL who refuses to follow boundaries or rules, won’t stop undermining the DIL, won’t stop lying to friends and family about a DIL, insist on their way, trash the DIL’s family, call people names, etc. There are also sicker tales like MILs trying to steal prescriptions from the pharmacy so their son or DIL would become sicker, MILs calling military recruiters to get the emergency contact information changed on her son from his wife to the MIL, or MILs threatening a DIL’s life. There are even people asking advice for MILs who threaten to take their grandchildren away or who fear that the MIL may kidnap the grandchild(ren).

Some of you may be asking why I would write about this. That is a good question and I am, by no means, advertising for this site. They are independent and not a part of my site here at all. Here’s why…

The idea of a homemaker is rife with the idea that everything is perfect in your little home. You cook every meal from scratch, you are never short with your husband or children, you never have an untidy home, and you always put the needs of your husband and his family above you and your family. Right?

Guess what! That is not reality–any of it. My husband and I often argue or fight. I don’t think I could cook meals from scratch for longer than a week before I ran out of ideas. I tried desperately to have a relationship with my mother in law and my grandmother in law. I wanted nothing more than to have a good relationship with them full of happy holidays, taking my (future) children to see them, etc. The truth is, not everyone gets what they want. What we all really want are healthy relationships with our in-laws. However, that is not always possible. Selfishness on MILs part seems to play a major role in issues, as well as an entitled attitude that she deserves everything her way. No matter what, sometimes, you will not be able to have a relationship with your MIL. I could be the Queen of England herself and I would not be good enough for my MIL and GMIL (grandmother-in-law). Nothing any woman or man who has married into their “dynasty” (yes, they call their family a dynasty and actually screamed at me that I was trash and tearing it down) will ever be good enough for these people.

Dear readers, if this describes you, please do not worry. You are good enough! Often, I would find myself wondering what I “did wrong” to deserve wrath and un-Christian behavior from my “Christian” MIL and GMIL. After our pre-marital counseling, I realized that I didn’t do anything “wrong.” I am living my life as God intended and that forgiveness is actually meant for our benefit–not the other person’s. You are no less of a good wife or a good homemaker if this dream will never come true for you. You are doing what you feel is best for your husband, your marriage, and your life and should NEVER feel guilty about this. It is hard to remember that your success as a homemaker, wife, mother, etc. is not dependent on external things or people. It is okay to not care what your MIL thinks about you or your life. She got to live her life–now you get to live yours. Good luck, readers!

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1 Response to Mother in Law Hell

  1. Pingback: Holidays on a Budget: Part 1 | The Homemaker Project

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